So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
