So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
