u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
