You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize