So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
