Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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