Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
