just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
