I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
