U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
