took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
