Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
