Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
