I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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