Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
