My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
