Do vagina's smell?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
