my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
