and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
