Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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