it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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