I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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