so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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