you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
organizing the empties. That sober.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
