Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
