My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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