I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
