If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i came on her dog
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
