I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
