I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
