i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
