If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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