She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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