drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
