it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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