Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
