This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
