Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Someone signed my nipple.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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