I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
