I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We have started to decorate penises.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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