reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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