Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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