So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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