A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
