The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
