it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sober January is a disaster.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
