i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
