this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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