I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
