A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
