Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
