Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
