I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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