Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
