I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize