quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got inside last night via doggy door
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
