Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
