the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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