I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
