haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
