just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
