New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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