Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
