And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
