I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
