im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i have two assholes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
